Skip to main content

Putting The Pieces Together

   Before this summer I was slightly panicking that I didn't really know myself and what I stood for. I wasn't sure if I actually knew myself or not and that really freaked me out. But now, I've realized that I think I made it through that finish line and just onto another challenge. I've really worked on trusting myself, and becoming my own best friend. I have learned how to be honest with myself and recognize my strengths and weaknesses out loud and proud. I've learned that nobody is perfect. It's weird because I've always had that mindset with others, forgiving quickly and probably way too frequently, but I've never felt like I was allowed to not be perfect. I can be wrong, I can be weak, and I can show my emotions. I'm allowed to be human. Danley has helped me with this feat so much. I've never shown my weaknesses to anyone and he's seen sides of me nobody, not even my parents, have seen. It's been refreshing and incredible that after all that he can still stand to be around me. I'm extremely grateful for him.
      I'm also grateful for myself. The minute I turned 20 I felt something in me change, I was older, I was not a teenager anymore, and I had no idea who I was, or where I was headed. I was constantly putting on a face with everyone, I had to be happy and I had to be smiling. Now I realize it doesn't have to be like that. I can cry, or be angry! I'm not perfect whatsoever, not even close. but that IS okay. I also think that has made me see some more hope in life, that I CAN improve and now I  wake up every morning looking forward to doing something to improve myself. The human mind is not perfect but it is strong. and we can do anything we put our mind to. i've learned to stop doubting myself and just go for it. 
     Now I'm onto my next life puzzle. I've started creating a stable base for my life, now I just have to figure out where to go from here. Life's pretty crazy and brilliant isn't it?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Pair of Spray Painted Feet

We met through Steve and Peter. From the very beginning I knew I loved him. I knew he was going to be my best friend. The first time I cried in front of him sealed the deal. He knew almost everything about me. He knew my scars, my flaws, my triumphs, he knew me better than I let most. Summer 2013 was an unforgettable one. Not necessarily in a cheerful sort of way, but better than I always remember.He got me through that summer, as well as another. He stood by me while I constantly slipped on and off the curb. Supporting me, yet warning me about the swallowing pits through which I was treading. Spring 2014. You're gone and I feel regret. I wasn't the friend you were to me the past 4 months and I should have been by your side shining the light for your way. Kyle- Thank you for everything you've helped me be. For everything you've carried me through. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you this past semester, I regret every second. You are such an incredible person a...

A Place that Doesn't Exist

 i'm yearning to fall into a space. a space where the only things that make sense are the songs sung by birds, the noises strewn about from leaves. A place that isn't the roof I sleep under, or the desk I sit at. Sometimes it lies behind my eyelids. sometimes I find it sitting in my car with the tears falling. a place where the wind is playing with my hair, and my hand is being held. i'm pining for the pines. a hole that might swallow me up and spit me into that fresh spruce smell. The rain in the pines aroma. The crystal of snow on the tips of their cones. i feel wedged between seemingly polar opposite wants/worlds. Maybe it's a millennial thing, but is that bad? to yearn to fly... to cover the plains, forests, deserts of the world. the consistent restlessness sitting on your shoulders, your blades pushing them back, and towards the sky. but what about this "home" people talk about. The thing everyone goes back to, where it seems the hardest memories lie. The...

My Day With The Sun

You're the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning. Basically jumping up to the hope and excitement you had scheduled for me today. I practiced patience with you. My  skin was kissed by your lips. I was fueled by a deep connection under your gaze, a connection to the human souls around me, while sinking into your soul. It's been a solar day. A day to embrace light, willpower, optimism. While still appreciating and noticing Luna and the power of stillness, and embracing my aloneness.  I drove 5 hours with your face shining into mine, cursing the bumper to bumper traffic. While also feeling encouraged by your beauty. I got home and faceplanted in my bed, exhausted by the heat. the driving, the human filled highways. Then almost immediately found myself craving you, missing you, needing you. So I said goodnight to you on a walk, said thank you as you dove behind the foothills. Thanked you for the day of connection, hope, and awe. Thank you.