Be Gentle With Yourself

    Before this summer I was slightly panicking that I didn't really know myself and what I stood for. I wasn't sure if I actually knew myself or not and that really freaked me out. But now, I've realized that I think I made it through that finish line and just onto another challenge. I've really worked on trusting myself, and becoming my own best friend. I have learned how to be honest with myself and recognize my strengths and weaknesses out loud and proud. I've learned that nobody is perfect. It's weird because I've always had that mindset with others, forgiving quickly and probably way too frequently, but I've never felt like I was allowed to not be perfect. I can be wrong, I can be weak, and I can show my emotions. I'm allowed to be human. Danley has helped me with this feat so much. I've never shown my weaknesses to anyone and he's seen sides of me nobody, not even my parents, have seen. It's been refreshing and incredible that afte...

We met through Steve and Peter. From the very beginning I knew I loved him. I knew he was going to be my best friend. The first time I cried in front of him sealed the deal. He knew almost everything about me. He knew my scars, my flaws, my triumphs, he knew me better than I let most. Summer 2013 was an unforgettable one. Not necessarily in a cheerful sort of way, but better than I always remember.He got me through that summer, as well as another. He stood by me while I constantly slipped on and off the curb. Supporting me, yet warning me about the swallowing pits through which I was treading. Spring 2014. You're gone and I feel regret. I wasn't the friend you were to me the past 4 months and I should have been by your side shining the light for your way. Kyle- Thank you for everything you've helped me be. For everything you've carried me through. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you this past semester, I regret every second. You are such an incredible person a...

This blog has gained a little bit of dust over the past 4 years. Looking back at what is written before this, I'm haunted. I was in a very dark place in 2009/2010. It's sad to think about because I was so young, and nobody that young should be that sad. But I was young, and sad, and alone. Other than the darkness I feel when reading those entries, I also feel somewhat inspired. I've come a long way from then, and I'm a much stronger person. I wasn't helping myself at all back then, I was completely surrounded by negativity and I was okay with being depressed. I was okay with being that happy girl on the outside and the troubled sad soul on the inside. Things are different now. The depressed girl inside of me is not who I am, nor will I ever give in to her again. This blog is going to be dedicated to the journey, the journey through the pain. To the hope that will always exist, to the complex emotions we feel as human beings. .

  I wish I could go back. Back to when I was falling asleep on you at church, with you gently playing with my hair. Drifting in and out as the preacher's words float around my head. I wish we were back there. Back to the innocence and simplicity of life. Back to when I was your pure perfect angel...unable to cause harm. I wish we didn't have to fight. About curfew and boys. About right and wrong. I wish we weren't so similar. Stubborn and persistent. Caring and opinionated. I wish we weren't so different. "Good versus Bad" My hatred for confrontation, and your love of expression. I wish you were my best friend. Calling you when I'm caught. Asking you for advice and homework help. I wish I didn't screw up. Or let you down over and over again. I wish I hadn't bruised and broken your image of me. I wish you still looked at me with hope. I wish the disappointment would leave your eyes. I wish I still made you smile, and never made you cry I wish you st...

  Dear High School, Why are you so manipulative? Why are you so naïve and ignorant? Why do you corner us in this 4 year trap? Why do you portray yourself as a place of endless possibilities and support, but in actuality exist as a cage of deceit and judgement? Why do you tear down our confidence by exaggerating our flaws and faults? Why are you blind to our inner beauty and integrity? Why do you cloud our sanguinity with regret and guilt? Why must you knock us down over and over again, and make it impossible to stand? Why do you hide hope and courage behind an unsolvable puzzle, while placing fear and doubt in front of us? Why do you desensitize us to empathy and trust? Will you ever let us win this treacherous battle? Dear High School, I am lost and confused. I've been left behind in the dust of manipulation and lies. I've been bemused byy the deception and invective words thrown in my face. I've been past my breaking point, but now I've been assembled. Each mistake an...

11/5/10 You are a shadow. Continually hovering, suffocating my faith. Holding me down from believing. To escape you, I try running. Hide and seek that never ends. Blind to that light, that ability of release. Too far away, help, I'm beginning to stray. Free me of your presence, LEAVE ME ALONE! But alone I fear, the unknown and hopelessness. Being lost once again... Is It Worth Being Found?

11/14/10 I Tried. To Free your fails. To Fight your demons. To Bury your fears. I Hoped. To Hold your love. To Emerge your hopes. To Treasure your faith. I Failed. I Failed to see. I Failed to let go. I Failed to protect. I Failed You...