This blog has gained a little bit of dust over the past 4 years. Looking back at what is written before this, I'm haunted. I was in a very dark place in 2009/2010. It's sad to think about because I was so young, and nobody that young should be that sad. But I was young, and sad, and alone. Other than the darkness I feel when reading those entries, I also feel somewhat inspired. I've come a long way from then, and I'm a much stronger person. I wasn't helping myself at all back then, I was completely surrounded by negativity and I was okay with being depressed. I was okay with being that happy girl on the outside and the troubled sad soul on the inside. Things are different now. The depressed girl inside of me is not who I am, nor will I ever give in to her again. This blog is going to be dedicated to the journey, the journey through the pain. To the hope that will always exist, to the complex emotions we feel as human beings. .
You're the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning. Basically jumping up to the hope and excitement you had scheduled for me today. I practiced patience with you. My skin was kissed by your lips. I was fueled by a deep connection under your gaze, a connection to the human souls around me, while sinking into your soul. It's been a solar day. A day to embrace light, willpower, optimism. While still appreciating and noticing Luna and the power of stillness, and embracing my aloneness. I drove 5 hours with your face shining into mine, cursing the bumper to bumper traffic. While also feeling encouraged by your beauty. I got home and faceplanted in my bed, exhausted by the heat. the driving, the human filled highways. Then almost immediately found myself craving you, missing you, needing you. So I said goodnight to you on a walk, said thank you as you dove behind the foothills. Thanked you for the day of connection, hope, and awe. Thank you.
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