Skip to main content

You can tell them

You can tell them.

Tell them I've changed, that you don't recognize the person looking back at you anymore.

Tell them I'm fat, tell them I'm skinny.

Tell them I'm broke, or rich, or lost, or alone.

What they'll never see is the map lines.

The GPS coordinates my feet have danced through. The scars on my body, like the topographic lines of an unknown place.

They don't see the streams my tears have fallen through. The fences my feet have jumped.

It is my story. My journey. It has been my hands 10 and 2 across the country. My knuckles clenched in anger. My stomach flipping in unease. The butterflies shooting from my heart; soaring to the moon.

Close calls, whispered words, pillow flips, lunges through time. Your compass is not mine. Mine doesn't point north. It points straight to my heart, into my soul. Reflecting in my brown eyes, written in my words.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Day With The Sun

You're the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning. Basically jumping up to the hope and excitement you had scheduled for me today. I practiced patience with you. My  skin was kissed by your lips. I was fueled by a deep connection under your gaze, a connection to the human souls around me, while sinking into your soul. It's been a solar day. A day to embrace light, willpower, optimism. While still appreciating and noticing Luna and the power of stillness, and embracing my aloneness.  I drove 5 hours with your face shining into mine, cursing the bumper to bumper traffic. While also feeling encouraged by your beauty. I got home and faceplanted in my bed, exhausted by the heat. the driving, the human filled highways. Then almost immediately found myself craving you, missing you, needing you. So I said goodnight to you on a walk, said thank you as you dove behind the foothills. Thanked you for the day of connection, hope, and awe. Thank you.

The Orange Reminder

12/25/09 The orange ring lays against fragile skin. A constant reminder of the pain and sorrow...also a memory of endurance and gain. 30 beads each with different meaning..circles the wrist while never ending. The hurt and denial expressed with each glance, anxiety and guilt overwhelm when its gone. without those orange beads meaning is lost, and emptiness fills.

The Hills Have Eyes & Mountain Lions

Though I am someone that majorly enjoys spending time outside alone, I also was haunted by some really irrational anxieties and fears. Solo camping: something I wanted to be able to do for years, and once I started doing it I would just torture my brain with images of Hills Have Eyes.. you know this one...  I was sure they were hiding in the woods around me waiting to rape and murder me. Also hiking: Wikipedia tells me that 20 people have died in North America due to mountain lions in the past 121 years and I've been CONVINCED over the past 3 years that I would be that 21st person. I was paralyzed by this fear. This was beyond frustrating to my stubborn soul. There were multiple hikes that resulted in me exiting the mountain early before getting to my goal due to the intense (made-up) fear circling through my body. Don't get me wrong, mountain lions are very real, and attacks are 100% possible. But I am a firm believer that fear shouldn't hold you back from doing what m...