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Am I as Strong as Yesterday?

Me: I hate these days.

The days where the walls close in on you, the ceiling falls towards you, and the air crushes you. The air feels like a mix of Elmer's Glue and glass shards.............I always loved peeling Elmer's Glue off my hand.

You can't fill your lungs. You're trying to get oxygen to your fingers and toes, but the glue has seeped into your veins, into your bones. A permanent block in your lifeway channel.

It's all just a little harder on these days. Harder to smile, harder to move, harder to sit, harder to eat, to drink. Even harder to take a hit.

I hate these days.

The days that challenge my every thought. That remind me of my unerasable past. That past that continually lines my thoughts and actions. The days that fill me with doubt.

Am I as strong as I was yesterday?

Why is this happening today? Where did the hope go. It was just here! That flower I smelled yesterday, that dash of sunlight that turned the sagebrush into an enchanting story. Where did it go?

What am I doing wrong?

How do I beat this?


The Strength: 

get the words out. move your body. lay in it all.

You will not beat this. It could destroy you. It's been an unfair battle since the beginning. The painful cards thrown your way time and time again.

No. you won't win this battle.

But,
You can work with it, side by side. It's not going anywhere. Viewing it as this thing you must get rid of will only make these days even harder, and the better days, less better.

Don't kill the monster... look closely. Get to know it. Then get on her shoulders and trampeze into the world together.
Then, you will be unstoppable. She's not your enemy, join forces with her. Love her.


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