Be Gentle With Yourself

Dear High School, Why are you so manipulative? Why are you so naïve and ignorant? Why do you corner us in this 4 year trap? Why do you portray yourself as a place of endless possibilities and support, but in actuality exist as a cage of deceit and judgement? Why do you tear down our confidence by exaggerating our flaws and faults? Why are you blind to our inner beauty and integrity? Why do you cloud our sanguinity with regret and guilt? Why must you knock us down over and over again, and make it impossible to stand? Why do you hide hope and courage behind an unsolvable puzzle, while placing fear and doubt in front of us? Why do you desensitize us to empathy and trust? Will you ever let us win this treacherous battle? Dear High School, I am lost and confused. I've been left behind in the dust of manipulation and lies. I've been bemused byy the deception and invective words thrown in my face. I've been past my breaking point, but now I've been assembled. Each mistak...

I wish I could go back. Back to when I was falling asleep on you at church, with you gently playing with my hair. Drifting in and out as the preacher's words float around my head. I wish we were back there. Back to the innocence and simplicity of life. Back to when I was your pure perfect angel...unable to cause harm. I wish we didn't have to fight. About curfew and boys. About right and wrong. I wish we weren't so similar. Stubborn and persistent. Caring and opinionated. I wish we weren't so different. "Good versus Bad" My hatred for confrontation, and your love of expression. I wish you were my best friend. Calling you when I'm caught. Asking you for advice and homework help. I wish I didn't screw up. Or let you down over and over again. I wish I hadn't bruised and broken your image of me. I wish you still looked at me with hope. I wish the disappointment would leave your eyes. I wish I still made you smile, and nev...

Me: I hate these days. The days where the walls close in on you, the ceiling falls towards you, and the air crushes you. The air feels like a mix of Elmer's Glue and glass shards.............I always loved peeling Elmer's Glue off my hand. You can't fill your lungs. You're trying to get oxygen to your fingers and toes, but the glue has seeped into your veins, into your bones. A permanent block in your lifeway channel. It's all just a little harder on these days. Harder to smile, harder to move, harder to sit, harder to eat, to drink. Even harder to take a hit. I hate these days. The days that challenge my every thought. That remind me of my unerasable past. That past that continually lines my thoughts and actions. The days that fill me with doubt. Am I as strong as I was yesterday? Why is this happening today? Where did the hope go. It was just here! That flower I smelled yesterday, that dash of sunlight that turned the sagebrush into an enchanting st...